someone threw a dead crab at me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
