My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
