Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
