me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
be right there i have to get my cape
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
