finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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