Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
