1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
