there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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