Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
