After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I touched a dick in church today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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