...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
