i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
