Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't deserve a penis
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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