there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
