You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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