i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize