apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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