Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
