hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
