I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
