I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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