idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
