too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
