I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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