This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm always down for nudity.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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