I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
