Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
