My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
