I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We need to get me chipped asap
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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