I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
