so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
