Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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