By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
