turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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