there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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