I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
