I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
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i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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