My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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