as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
