you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
