Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
