quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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