I'll bet she douches with gravy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if only i could text you this smell
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
