With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
zippers are such a cool invention
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
