I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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