I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
