Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
