He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
