two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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