What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
