did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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