Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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