can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
