i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
