he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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