omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
