Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
