I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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