those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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