What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
