i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
