the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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