Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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