that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
