C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
