I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
