I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i jhust puked up my retainher.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
