I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
