Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
