Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
